Chapter Two - Belonging

Chapter Two.

A sense of belonging.

Despite his initial reservations, Cowboy had agreed for Kyle to stay on at the ranch for a bit. He liked that lad who after a bath and shave looked even more youthful than Cowboy had imagined when he had first met him.

Cowboy had not been too sure how understanding Kyle would be of the way in which he ran the ranch and of the love and caring and “guidance” that Cowboy offered to his “boys”.

It was this that had been the main reason for his reservations in allowing the lad to stay on at the ranch for a while. But not anticipating any of the boys to visit for a while, he had agreed to Kyle stopping on for a few days and in return Kyle had promised to work hard and help around the ranch.

“And in the main it has worked out well.” Cowboy decided, as he walked towards the barn. “Kyle had proven himself to be a good lad and a hard worker. Well most of the time that is. There have been one or two times when he was prone to bouts of laziness but most of the time I have had no complaints on that score.”

Reaching the side of the house cowboy went over and tidied the log pile a little. Kyle has been asked to chop logs and whilst he had done a fair few he hadn’t really concentrated to hard on stacking them properly. “Yep he is a good worker all right.” Cowboy thought to himself. “But his self discipline and tidiness does tend to be slap dash and too casual to say the least. But I guess that comes down to his youth and upbringing.”

The evenings since Kyle’s arrival had seen many a long and interesting conversation about life, the ranch, cowboy and about Kyle’s past. As the days passed Kyle had opened up more and more and had shared a fair bit about himself with his host Cowboy.

Kyle was 18 and had no family to speak of, his parents having walked out on him many years before. Countless foster homes and institutionalised care placements since then had seemed to make the lad both rootless and somewhat cynical about life. Something that became more and more evident as Kyle shared more and more about his life. But somehow Cowboy saw something deeper and much more positive in the lad.
Maybe it was the lad’s openness with Cowboy or his honesty in the things that he shared. Even when he was sharing how he had more recently resorted to petty stealing and what could only be described as
Male prostitution, in order to survive, Cowboy saw a value and honesty in the lad.

“Yes there was no doubt about it.” Cowboy thought to himself. “He is a good lad who has had little to no chances in life. I will be sorry to see the lad go, but Blu is due tomorrow and whilst I am sure Blu will be ok with Kyle being here, I am not sure how Kyle will respond to Blu’s presence. Especially given the fact that one of the reason’s Blu is coming is for me to deal with his attitude of late.”

“Hi, Cowboy.” Kyle spoke up, bringing Cowboy’s focus back to the present and to the realization that he had now reached the barn.

“Hi Kyle.” Cowboy replied happily. “Working hard I see.” Gesturing to the stack of hail bails that Kyle has moved into the barn.

“Yeah.” Kyle answered. “I like working you know. Keeps me out of trouble and besides I really like it here.” Kyle added. “It’s about the first place I have liked in my life or when I can actually feel wanted.”

“Why is it that no matter how hard things are to do sometimes, something always seems to make it harder!” Cowboy thought. “Like it here then do you?”

“Yeah, I really do.” Kyle answered. “As long as you are happy with me and my work. There is lots to do and I like keeping busy and helping you around the place.”

Cowboy tried to smile casually, not sure how he was going break the news to the lad it was time for him to move on.

“I mean you are happy with me and my work aren’t you Cowboy?” Kyle asked, noticing the slightly uneasy expression on Cowboy’s face. “I mean I kind off assumed you were, judging by the strap on the bathroom door and the fact that my butt has been ok since I got here”

Cowboy smiled. “So you figured if I wasn’t happy with you, you would be feeling my strap huh?” He asked.

Kyle sat on a bail of hay and shuffled his feet a little nervously. “Well let’s face it you are looking after me and you did say you sometimes your boys need a little lesson in good behaviour.”

“So you think of yourself as one of my boys then? Cowboy asked.

“Well no. Not really.” Kyle answered, now looking down at his feet. “I mean that is up to you isn’t it. And anyhow I don’t really know anything about your boys, but I know by the way you talk about them that you love your boys and care for them”

“Yes I do, very much so.” Cowboy answered, “Even when I have to discipline them I only do it because I love and care for them.” Cowboy shot a glance towards Kyle to see what his reaction was.

“They’re lucky to have you.” Kyle commented almost without realising he had done so and then looked up nervously at Cowboy. “I mean I don’t really know what it is like to have someone love and care for you like that.”

“Well my son Blu is arriving tomorrow.“ Cowboy told him. “Maybe you should ask him what it is like.”

“He is?” Kyle asked, looking up at Cowboy. “I mean I have heard you mention him but I don’t really know much about him. Is he nice?”

Cowboy didn’t have time to answer before Kyle corrected himself.

“Uh that was a bit of a stupid question wasn’t it.” He added. “I mean he is your son, you are bound to think he is nice.”

“Well Kyle,” Cowboy replied. “Sadly it doesn’t always work that way.” Cowboy looked over at the young lad before him. “Just because someone is your son, it don’t mean you always like them, and just because someone is your dad it don’t mean they are always good to you.” Cowboy paused a moment whilst watching Kyle’s expression. “But yes I love Blu deeply and heck if I don’t like what he has done I tell him show and is my son and put some fire in his tail for him.”

Cowboy thought for a moment. He was still undecided as to Kyle’s future at the ranch. He liked Kyle and if there was one lad who really needed a loving but firm father’s hand it was Kyle. But would he really want it and accept it?

Cowboy reached down and lifting a water bottle, unscrewed the cap and drank some before offering it to Kyle.

“See that is what I wanted to talk to you about.” Cowboy continued. “One of the reasons Blu is arriving tomorrow, and I don’t think he will mind me telling you this, is because he has been a little silly lately and is in need of a little reminder of what happens when you screw up.”

“Man,” Kyle commented, “sounds like his butt is for it.”

Cowboy didn’t respond to Kyle’s comment but instead went on with what it was he wanted to talk to the lad about.

“See whilst this is a working ranch it is also a kind of home away from home for many of my boys.” Cowboy explained as Kyle listened carefully. “My boys are all adult and are all different ages but they all have one thing in common. They all feel the need for some guidance in their lives.” Cowboy again paused whilst he studied Kyle’s reactions.

“That guidance can be just a bit of advice, a chat or when needed, and trust me it often is, it can mean them getting a real lesson in the consequences of their actions. Even if it means their tails blazing for a while.” Cowboy decided to stop there for a moment or two and let Kyle think about what he was being told.

“But only cause you love them and care for them right?” Kyle asked.

“Yes. Very much so.” Cowboy answered. “So you see, that is why you needed to know. I mean I am happy for you to stay here and I think you really need a place like this, but you need to know and understand what this ranch is all about.”

Cowboy thought for a moment trying to find the words he needed to say what he meant without Kyle feeling unwanted or pushed out.

“My boys have always been at home here. They like it that way and I like it that way. They help around the ranch like you are and if they mess up or are lazy or untidy they get their butt’s warmed for them. No excuses, no arguments and no messing. I am loving but I am also very strict.”

Kyle thought for a moment.

“Well you can’t be all that strict with them.” He looked up at Cowboy. “I mean, if I am honest, I have been lazy several times since I arrived and I know I am one messy beggar when it comes to my room and cleaning up after me.”

Cowboy smiled at the lad’s honesty. “Well yes and if I am honest, there have been several times when you would have found your bare butt well and truly on fire if you had been one of my boys. But since you didn’t come here under those terms and aren’t one of my boys. I didn’t say anything.”

“Wish I was.” Kyle muttered under his breath, too frightened of rejection to say it out loud.

“Sorry?” Cowboy asked. “I don’t think I heard you right?”

Kyle looked down at his feet. “I said I wish I was.” Kyle repeated himself a little louder now that he was committed to repeating himself. As he did so he looked down at his feet.

“Do you mean that?” Cowboy asked him. “I mean really mean it and all that it entails?”

“Well I, I think so.” Kyle answered still nervous of what Cowboy’s reaction might be. “ I mean I have never had a whuppin, so I don’t really know what it is like, but I know I have deserved one often enough. And I know I need help.”

Cowboy studied the young lad as he sat before him.. “Do you seriously want help?” He asked.

Kyle looked up at Cowboy, his eyes searching into Cowboys as if seeking out some indication as to the possibility of this man actually caring enough to adopt him as one of his own boys. “Yes I do.” Kyle answered. “I really mean it. I can’t go on screwing up my life the way I have been. For the first time in my life I have found a place that feels right, that feels like I belong and I don’t want to lose it.”
As Kyle explained how he was feeling Cowboy’s heart warmed more and more to the young lad.

“I mean it. I don’t want to lose this place and I don’t want to lose knowing you and I want what your boys have. I want to be loved and cared for and helped and taught.” Kyle looked down once more. “But it isn’t only that I want it. The fact is I need it and I know I do.”

He shuffled his feet once more. “My whole life before this place has been a mess, and now I have found this place and you I know it is right for me. I need to be here. I need to belong. I need to be taught.”